Positivity challenge

School has started and my life seems to revolve around it. For me school comes hand in hand with stress and self-doubt, so I wanted to do something that would make me happier.

I decided that for a week, every day, I would try to write down as much things that made me happy as possible. Simply because I want to put my life into a perspective for myself.  I want to see how many times a day I'm actually excited or happy about something. Also, I want to focus on positive things instead of my anxiety, and I think this could be really good for me.

Monday

The start of this week was great! The first two lessons I had were actually enjoyable and the time flew by. I was interested in what we were learning, and after quite some time I felt intrigued to learn new things.

When the first two lessons were over I headed to a class where my next lessons was at. There, freshman were waiting there for us with a bribe - lots of delicious pastry they made themselves. It's like a tradition that freshman need to bribe the seniors, so that the initiation isn't as bad as it supposed to be. The bribe also brings them extra point for initiation - whichever class wins at the initiation gets a chance to organise it when they are seniors. And of course the bribe made my smile a little wider (as well as my stomach)! I was so full and so were my classmates, and two days later we still had some of the pastry left.

One thing that can always make you feel better or at least make you feel satisfied is money. And I got paid for my summer job on Monday, so needless to say my day got a whole lot better.

Beside all those things, one that made me smile like an idiot was when a girl complimented my lashes. I have quite long lashes, and she asked me if they were fake. When I told her they were real she was so shocked, and said they look really good - yey!

On Monday I also had my first training of boxing after two months and even thought I was dead by the end of it because I practically did nothing to stay in shape during summer, I was also extremely happy and proud of my self.

In the evening I talked to a friend of mine about this thing I am really insecure about. However, he made me feel so completely normal, and he was so open about it and ready to help that I fell asleep with a the biggest grin on my face.

Tuesday

Is there a better way to start your day than finding out that the first two lessons are cancelled and you can sleep for an extra hour? I don't think so. Besides extra sleep equals happy me.

When I came home from school, I ordered some make-up online and I was so excited about it. I've never ordered anything online before, and I paid so little for what I was getting that I couldn't possibly get a better deal. The reason I order it, was because you can pay for it when you pick up the package and because the eyeshadow pallet I was getting looked like a dream.

My grandma came to our apartment on that day, and she's always so lovely and nice - like any grandma, I suppose. She is the person I look up to because of how kind she is, but she can be really determined when she needs to be, and I really admire that. I feel like she picks me up when I'm at my lowest point, and her hugs just make everything okay.

Wednesday

You know what I figured out? That food makes me really happy. Because once again the food was the reason for my happiness. In school we got a chocolate waffle - a mini packed one, for a snack.

Wednesday was really sunny, and it was a perfect day for a walk with my dog. All the autumn colours and the sun made everything so beautiful, and I wish I could've captured the moment with my camera.

After a walk with my dog, I was informed that my package arrive, and I literally stormed out to get it. I paid around 20€ for Revolutin pallet with 32 shades and 8 Jessup brushes. If that isn't a bargain, I don't know what is. I just hope that everything will be as good as it looks!

For lunch my mum surprised me with sushi, which is my favourite food ever even though my parents don't like it. However, my brother and I are crazy about it and it was the most satisfying lunch I've had in a while.

Thursday

My first two lessons were cancelled again, so I had a lie in which was amazing. The fact my first two lessons were cancelled also gave me the opportunity to play around with my new eyeshadow pallet and wear proper make-up to school.

I got asked to prom. Do you need any further explanation why this made me happy?

I had another boxing training. I love how full of energy and happy it makes me. I don't know whether it's the exercise that makes me feel good or the people, but I think it's the last because I've always been active, but I never felt so happy after trainings.

I'm writing this in the evening, and my father brought me a letter from a friend that went to study abroad, just in time for me to included it in. I honestly cannot stop smiling like an idiot. It brighten my day up (Ana if you're reading this; thank you very much, I love you too).

Friday

It was my birthday on Friday, and well let's be honest, birthday's are always amazing. In the morning my family surprised me by singing happy birthday to me and gave me a present - I got an iPhone SE. 

I got some presents in school as well. Traditionally they bought me sushi which was delicious. 

Look at me making a wish :)

Honestly this shows how lovely my friends are!

After school I met up with two of my old classmates, and my very best friends. We went out for an ice cream, and they gave me some sunflowers which are absolutely beautiful. The three of us hadn't hung out for the longest and even though I see both of them separately it just isn't the same as when we are all together. 

Later that day I went out for a meal with my family, and those family lunches are my favourite. I love it when the whole family is together, even though we argue a lot.

Saturday

Saturday was super sunny, so I went for a walk with my dog. Something about nature calms me and gives me so much energy. I also love how having a dog is an excuse to talk to other dog owners because you get to meet so many different interesting people. 

After a walk with a dog I met up with a few of my friends and we went out for a drink. At the end of it I was basically crying with laughter. These girls never fail to make my day brighter, and I couldn't appreciate them more. 

We walked around the city centre and decided to check out Lush. Lush's bath bombs are my weakness because of how good they smell and how lovely they look, so I had to treat myself and get myself one. I don't know why, but getting yourself something just leaves behind this feeling of satisfaction, doesn't it?

In the evening I went to a party, and got to see so many people I haven't seen in ages. It had to be one of the best night I had in a while. It felt like going back to when we were thirteen, young and reckless, except that it was so much better.

Overall Saturday was just amazing!

Sunday

Because I came home so late the day before, I had a lie in. When I woke up, my mum wasn't at home, so I called her to find out that her, my aunt and grandma went out for a morning coffee, and asked me if I wanted to join them. Of course I was dressed in a minute and just a few moments later I was sitting in a city centre, taking a sip of my cappuccino and enjoying the warm sun.  

I'm going to finish my post here, because I don't have anything planned for the afternoon, and I need to study anyways.

I apologise for the long post, but I didn't expect that there would be so many things in my week that happened to me which I enjoyed. During the week I realised that writing this stuff down made me more positive and not as stressed out as usually because I knew that whatever the day would bring there was so many things to look forward to. It's those small things that make life enjoyable and I feel like too often we focus on the bad instead of the good. I hope to stay as positive as I was this week and I would strongly advise you to do the positivity challenge to see how good your life actually is if you decided to look for the positive things. 

Why do I do this to myself?

This week I've been feeling very poorly. I even stayed off school for a few days because of it. Between all the coughing and drinking tea, I started watching a new series.

And I finished it.

Usually, I have a silent agreement with myself that I am not allowed to start watching series which are still in the making. Why? Firstly, because I am too freaking impatient and can't function normally until new episodes come out, and secondly because I love binge watching series.

However, I've seen a few people talking about Stranger things on Instagram and decided to Google it, to see what the series is about. Somehow I started watching the first episode just to get the taste of it. Let me tell you that wasn't a good idea.

I am a big fan of anything horror/mystery/sci-fi and Stranger things just have it all.

They had me hooked from the the first minute of the first episode until the end on first season, eight episodes later. As you've probably guess already the series is relatively new, and it only has one season so far. The second season is in the making, but do you see my problem now?

I got obsessed with yet another series that isn't finished.

And I can already see myself watching the new episodes when I should be studying for exams.

My bare soul on the paper

Today's post is going to be a bit more on the dark side if I can say that. It's not going to be all happy and full of life and what I want to achieve. Today I want to talk about my insecurities and things that scare me to death about life and about the future.

I'm a very anxious person. I hate being thrown into situations where I don't know anyone, but have to be there because the person who invited me means a lot to me. I hate starting conversation with people that make me feel inferior. I tend to close myself up, and just stand there, listening to them, but not contributing to the conversation in anyway. So it often happens that I remember people I've met, but they don't remember me because I am a shadow of a person when I am thrown into a group of people. If I am forced to talk with someone one-on-one it's much more comfortable and I open up quickly, but when there's a group of people I often find myself lost for words. Honestly, it's like my brain doesn't function anymore, it just shuts down.

Especially lately I've been feeling out of place. Even thought I want to achieve things, even though I know what I want my next step to be, it all seems impossible. I listen to people, I listen to what they have to say and I just feel soooooo dumb. And it scares me!

I'm afraid that I am not smart enough to achieve things I've set out for myself. I am afraid that I am stuck in this life and I don't have much to offer. I am afraid that I am not interesting enough. I am afraid that I will spend my whole life being someone ordinary, being someone who does things as a part of their routine, and in the end I'll look back on life and realise I was so anti-social, so anti-talented, so anti-everything that I didn't amount to much at all.

Maybe it's because I am surrounded with people who are smart, outstanding, and I am barely average. Maybe it's because they are all good at physics, and maths, and chemistry, and all I do in school is daydream. Maybe it's because what I like to do isn't something that could be considered a job. Maybe it's because there isn't a single subject in school with which I've completely fallen in love with. Maybe it's the pure pressure of society that people who are well educated are the only ones who really matter. Or maybe it's just me, another ordinary person getting lost in the system.

Montenegro and Croatia

If you recall last post, you remember that I talked about going to Montenegro for a week (although, to be precise, it was only five days).

Everything that happened is still fresh and very much alive inside my head, so let me put it down before I collapse on bed and fall asleep again. 

We started out journey five minutes past midnight on Monday morning. I've seen a few of my schoolmates during summer, when we went to the seaside together, but I saw most of them for the fist time after two months. Naturally, we hugged and talked loudly about what happened and how school's just around the corner. Before we could really get into the conversation the music started blaring through the speaker that my schoolmate brought along and the party started...

Our first stop (if I don't count the bathroom breaks) was Dubrovnik. To be honest, I didn't know much about Dubrovnik except that the Game of Thrones was filmed there and that supposedly, it is beautiful.

Thankfully we had a guide who walked around with us and gave us a summary of history, so we learnt more about the city itself. Then we had more than an hour to wonder around the city by ourselves and explore narrow streets hidden from the crowd.

The city was beautiful, however, I made a mistake of wearing jeans (because it was cold when we got on the bus in the middle of the night) and let me tell you, I was boiling in them. It was so freaking hot I thought I was going to lose my mind! At least when we returned to the bus, the air conditioning was on, so I cooled down a bit.

I love the architecture of seaside cities

The legend has it that if you manage to stand on the stone you'll have luck for the rest of the year

I love the narrow streets that hide interesting local shops and coffee places

The view from the bus when we were leaving Dubrovnik

We arrived in Budva in the late afternoon, we settled in our rooms, then headed to the beach. I must say, I wasn't impressed with beach in Budva. Maybe, it's because I am used of clear blue water and beaches that are not as crowded as they were here.

In the evening we met in front of the hotel with the rest of my schoolmates, and headed to the club called Paris (which has a big Eiffel tower in the middle, and a bar underneath). Paris might be one of the few clubs I actually like, because it's in the open, so it doesn't make me feel trapped in the crowed.

The next day we headed to Cetinje which used to be a capital city and the residence of the royal family. We had a look around, and had some free time as well before heading to Lovćen where stand the mausoleum of Njegoš. You have to walk up 461 steps to get to the entry, but the view alone is totally worth it, not to mention the historical value of the place.

Once we were finish with sightseeing, we were taken to a local restaurant where we ate their homemade prosciutto and cheese. It was the best meal you could've asked for after a long day.

Third day we went to Kotor which is one of the Montenegro's most beautiful cities. Unfortunately we didn't have much time there and I didn't manage to capture any photo worth posting. We than drove to the beach where there was foam party planned for us and it was freaking awesome! I thought that it would be uncomfortable, especially because you are in your swimsuit and some guys really don't know which line isn't okay to cross, but everyone had so much respect for personal space which made the party very enjoyable. 

Next day wasn't that interesting either. We went to Budva's old city centre where I've already been the night before with my friends where we decided to go to dinner. So, we walked around aimlessly than ended up in a bar, getting a drink. We than headed to see the island of St. Stefan - you aren't actually allowed to go on it, so we stopped on the road and photographed it, before going to another beach relaxation/party.

Beautiful St. Stefan

The trip was coming to an end, but on our way back, we stopped in Split as well. We didn't actually go sightseeing there, we stopped so we could stretch our legs a bit and grab a quick bite, but I still managed to snap some photos to share this magnificent Croatian city with you.

I'm sorry for the length of this post, but when I try to share my trips with you it tends to be a bit longer because of how much has happened and because of the photos I try to include. 

However, I hope this is only one of many travel posts.